


deathless aphrodite, throned in splendor

by paris-mystere (Spellthief)



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: (well there's a brief moment of Drama but it's mostly fluff), F/F, F/M, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 07:30:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13072098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spellthief/pseuds/paris-mystere
Summary: FACT:Playing matchmaker isn't easy. But, out of nothing other than the kindness of her heart, Chloé is determined to get Ladybug and Adrien together. The only problem? A certain red-headed pest is batting for Team Adrienette, and she won't get out of Chloé's way.





	deathless aphrodite, throned in splendor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [livinglittlelie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/livinglittlelie/gifts).



> Merry Christmas, livinglittlelie! :D

> **FACT:** Chloé Bourgeois is, like, the _nicest_ person in all of Paris.

Chloé's never asked for much in her life. Just, you know, gourmet food and designer handbags and spa treatments and iced lattes and fancy perfume and the newest smartphone and her Daddy's love and housekeepers to clean up after her. And pretty clothes, of course, but _duh_ , everyone needs clothes.

So like… almost nothing.

 _But_ . Right now, at this exact moment, if she could ask for just one _teeny-tiny_ little thing (excluding the above, of course, because they obviously don't count) it would be a rescue. Preferably from Ladybug, but Rena Rouge would be an acceptable substitute if Ladybug wasn't available.

"Pleeeassse, God!" Queen Bee howled up to the sky.  "I will be so, _so_ nice for the rest of my life, I _promise_ \--"

"That's a lie," Chat Noir said dryly.

The sky must have agreed, for it had no answer for young Chloé Bourgeois. It remained a cheerful shade of deep blue, marked by a handful of fluffy white clouds. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Queen Bee remained trapped in a huge blob of translucent goop that was slowly-- _very_ slowly--sliding down the sides of Tour Montparnasse.

"I WILL BECOME A NUN!" Queen Bee shrieked. She was growing increasingly hysterical, and she flailed in place, trying vainly to free her trapped limbs from the slime. "I'll donate all my shoes to the poor!"

"No you won't," Chat Noir said calmly. He, unlike Queen Bee, was already resigned to his fate, and made no effort to escape.

"I _WILL!_ " she yelled right back. "And my designer handbags too! Well--okay, actually, maybe not those."

Chat Noir sighed heavily. "There's no need to panic, Bee," he pointed out. "Once Ladybug defeats the akuma, everything will revert back to normal."

Queen Bee temporarily redirected her attention from the heavens and towards Chat Noir. She glared at him with all the fiery intensity that she could muster and said, "This _disgusting_ goo is _ruining_ my hair, Adrikins! _What if someone sees me like this?_ "

Chat Noir would've buried his face in his hands if they hadn't been trapped. Instead he just inhaled deeply and looked away.

"I would literally never recover from the shame," Queen Bee added.

> **CORRECTION:** Chloé Bourgeois is ~~, like the _nicest_ person in all of Paris. ~~ kind of a bitch.

* * *

In the end, Chloé's hair was totally ruined and, even after Ladybug swept in and saved the day, she was upset. Ladybug either didn't notice or was doing a very good job of pretending that she hadn't. She swung over to Chat Noir, and they did their little fist-bump routine while Queen Bee sulked in a corner, glowering petulantly at the de-akumatized toddler who was responsible for her current mood.

Rena Rouge was also sulking, although for entirely different reasons.

"I don't like it," she muttered to Queen Bee.

"I don't either," Queen Bee replied. "Prussian blue, with _that_ complexion? It's hideous."

"I--what?" Rena Rouge glanced over at Queen Bee, then at the child, back safely in the arms of her mother, then back at Bee. "I wasn't talking about the kid!" she said quickly.

"That child is going to be the laughingstock of her peers," Queen Bee said matter-of-factly.

"I _meant_ ," Rena said pointedly, "I don't like _that_."

She gestured with her head. Queen Bee looked.

Ladybug and Chat Noir were still standing together, talking and smiling. Chat looked like he was in the middle of telling some stupid joke, and Ladybug was biting down on her lip, trying not to laugh.

To say that Queen Bee was puzzled would be an understatement. "You don't like Ladybug and Chat Noir?" she asked Rena, in much the same way that one might ask whether the sky is green.

Rena rolled her eyes and for a moment Chloé was enchanted by them--they were such a pretty shade of golden-brown, framed by those nice dark lashes, and every flicker of them was so _expressive_ , too, like Rena could have a whole conversation with her body language alone.

"No, not _that_ ," she said, and Queen Bee was jolted back into the moment. "I just don't think they should get involved romantically."

"Well," Queen Bee said, "I think they're cute together."

"Well, I think it's unprofessional."

"Well, _I_ think," Queen Bee began, but didn't finish, because she didn't actually know how she wanted to end that sentence. Rena turned to her, cocked her hip to one side, and raised one eyebrow in a silent question.

"Uhh," Queen Bee said, very eloquently, and Rena smiled at her.

> **FACT:** Chloé loves the way Rena smiles at her. It's pure delight, all sparkling eyes and genuine affection, without even a hint of flattery of self-effacement. Rena doesn't know anything about Chloé Bourgeois, or who her father is, and when she smiles at Queen Bee there isn't a single fake thing about it. Rena smiles at her because she _wants_ to, and the sight of it makes Chloé's heart feel light in her chest.
> 
> Nobody else has ever smiled at her like that before.

"Hey, you wanna get out of here?" Rena asked suddenly.

 _Yes_ , Chloé thought, but then she remembered where she was and who she was with. Her gaze flickered back over to Ladybug and Chat Noir. They were still talking, or flirting, or whatever, and apparently had entirely forgotten about the other half of their superhero team.

"What about them?" Queen Bee asked.

"Eh," Rena said. She shrugged one shoulder casually. "Their transformations are about to run out anyway. But we've still got plenty of time, you know?"

They did. Ladybug and Chat Noir had both triggered their countdowns earlier in the fight, but Queen Bee and Rena didn't have to worry about that today. They had all the time in the world... or, at least, as much time as they could steal away from their civilian lives.

"Yeah, okay," Queen Bee agreed.

Rena smiled at her again, only this time it was a sly little smirk, cunning and foxlike, and instead of making her heart feel light, it felt like someone was tap-dancing a nervous _pitter-patter_ in her chest.

"Race you to Les Invalides?" Rena asked. Then, with a wink and a sharp salute, she ran off without even waiting for Queen Bee to answer.

"Hey!" Queen Bee called after her. "That's _cheating!_ "

"You're just mad 'cause you're slower than I am!" Rena called over her shoulder, cackling.

> **FACT:** Queen Bee is _not_ slower than Rena Rouge, thank you very much.

Twenty minutes later, Queen Bee and Rena Rouge were sitting side by side on top of the big golden dome of Les Invalides, kicking their feet and bickering cheerfully about which one of them had gotten there first. The sun was just beginning to set in the west, and all of Paris was cast in pink-hued twilight, and it made Rena's ombré curls look even oranger than usual. The wind was cool against her skin, and a part of Chloé just wanted this moment to last forever.

Rena must have noticed something in her eyes, because she suddenly grew pensive. "Hey, what are you thinking about?" she asked, her voice low and serious and just a little bit scratchy.

"Nothing," Queen Bee said. "Just… stuff."

"Yeah?" Rena leaned back slightly, propping herself up on her arms, and tilted her head back to look up at the sky. "What kind of stuff?"

"I don't know," Queen Bee said. "Stuff about my other life, I guess."

"Your civilian life?" Rena asked, and Queen Bee nodded. Rena looked contemplative at that, and after a moment's hesitation, she asked, "Hey, can I ask you something kind of personal?"

Something kind of personal? That sounded dangerous.

"Sure, I guess," Queen Bee said, completely ignoring her own better judgment.

"You and Chat Noir… you know each other as civilians, right?"

It was true. The very first time that Queen Bee had made her superhero debut, it had taken Adrien all of thirty seconds to recognize her as Chloé Bourgeois.

It had taken… _longer_ for Chloé to recognize him. A lot longer. As in, he had to transform and de-transform in front of her twice before she believed it, and even then, she was still a little skeptical. Because, like, _seriously?_

"Yeah," Queen Bee admitted. "But don't tell Ladybug!" she added quickly.

Ladybug, despite being totally awesome, insisted on guarding their secret identities ferociously. Chloé figured that there was probably a good reason for it--she was _Ladybug_ , after all--but it had always seemed kind of pointless to her. Knowing about Adrien's secret identity made it _much_ easier for them to coordinate excuses when they had to drop everything to fight akuma. Honestly, she was really glad that he knew.

"I won't," Rena promised, laughing. "But can I tell you a secret?"

She smiled and Queen Bee's heart felt like it was doing gymnastics in her chest. "Y-yeah," she stuttered. "Of course."

Rena glanced back towards the sky and said, a little smugly, "Ladybug and I know each other's identities too."

Queen Bee's eyes went wide. " _No way_ ," she said, disbelieving.

"Yeah way," Rena said.

" _NO WAY!_ " Queen Bee shouted, and she wasn't sure whether she was delighted or horrified to hear this revelation. "Isn't Ladybug, like, _crazy_ about keeping her secret identity?"

"Mmm, she can be," Rena admitted. She got sort of a distant, wistful look in her eyes, like she was thinking back on something nostalgic. "It was kind of an accident, though. We're best friends in our _other_ lives, you know, so I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later."

Chloé wondered for a moment what it would be like to be best friends with Rena Rouge. What was she like, when she wasn't a superhero? Was her hair the same color, could she still play the flute? Were all those muscles real, or was that just Miraculous magic?

Would she still smile the same way at Chloé Bourgeois?

As if reading her mind, Rena suddenly asked, "Do you ever think about telling anyone else? About your secret identity, I mean."

Yeah, Chloé had thought about it. But she wasn't actually going to _do_ it.

Being Queen Bee was different from being Chloé Bourgeois. People _liked_ Queen Bee. They liked her in a way that they didn't like Chloé and, well, Chloé liked being liked. She wasn't about to risk that.

"I don't think it's a good idea," Queen Bee said. "What about you?"

Something in Rena's expression darkened, like she was disappointed. But all she said was, "Yeah, I guess not."

* * *

When Queen Bee finally de-transformed back into Chloé Bourgeois, she had six unread messages from Adrien, rapidly escalating from mild concern to full-blown panic.

 _CHLOÉ PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU'RE NOT DEAD_ , read the last one.

 _ofc not idiot_ , Chloé texted back, and about thirty seconds later, her phone pinged with Adrien's reply.

_Where did you go? LB and I were worried._

Chloé rolled her eyes and collapsed back onto her bed. _Nowhere_ , she wrote back. _I was just hanging with Rena_.

Then she turned off her phone, because there were twenty other unread messages that she didn't want to deal with right now. Or… ever, honestly. And so she was just going to ignore them.

Instead, Chloé changed into her fuzzy Ladybug-print pajamas, and put in an order for some honey for Pollen and a mug of hot chocolate for herself, and didn't bother saying thank you when Jean-Claude brought it up. Then she curled up on the sofa with Mr. Cuddly and put on some stupid German art film that she was only half-watching. She contemplated repainting her nails.

She only made it about twenty minutes into the movie before there was a tell-tale _thud_ on her balcony outside. Chloé ignored it, but that did nothing to stop Chat Noir from sliding open the glass doors and barrelling into her room anyway.

He came padding inside, black boots leaving smudges on the carpet, and wearing a nervous smile. Chloé made a mental note to get someone to clean the carpet at the soonest opportunity.

"Heyyy, Chlo," Chat said awkwardly. "I was just doing patrol nearby, and I just _happened_ to--"

"Yeah, whatever," Chloé interrupted. Chat Noir blinked a few times, surprised at her intrusion, but Chloé honestly didn't care about whatever fake excuse he had made up for his unexpected visit. She held up two bottles of nail polish, and beckoned him over to her side. "What do you think, Adrikins? Hello Yellow or Black Glitter?"

"Uhhh, the black?" he suggested.

Chloé glanced down at the bottle, then scoffed. "Ugh. I should have known better than to ask you," she said. She set the bottle aside, and unscrewed the yellow nail polish instead. "You have _no_ taste."

"Chloé!" Chat Noir protested. But, after a moment's consideration, he admitted, "Okay, that's true. But you didn't have to say it!"

"Mmm-hmm," Chloé agreed noncommittally. She started on the first layer of nail polish, carefully coating her thumbnail in a thin yellow sheet. "Now what do you want?"

"What makes you think that I want something?" Chat Noir asked, smiling nervously.

Chloé arched one perfect brow at him, and Chat Noir's fake smile wobbled. "Because you texted me, like, five hundred times today, which is unusually clingy, even for you."

Chat Noir's entire expression dropped. He sighed a little, then dropped down beside her on the couch. With all the melodramatic flair of a fifteen-year-old, he said, "I made an idiot of myself in front of Ladybug and there's no one else I can talk to about it."

"Can't you talk to, like, your magical rodent about it?" Chloé asked.

"I tried," Chat Noir said glumly. He pouted in the general direction of the TV screen. "He just made fun of me."

"And you thought I _wouldn't_ make fun of you because…?"

Chat Noir sank down a little deeper in the cushions. "That is a good point," he admitted.

Chloé quickly finished with her left hand, and blew a little on her nails to help them dry before starting on the right. "Like, why do you even care?" she asked. "You make an idiot of yourself all the time, in front of basically everyone."

"But she's _Ladybug_ ," Chat Noir whined. "She's beautiful, and amazing, and so brilliant--"

"And?" Chloé asked archly.

"--and--and what if she doesn't love me?"

Chloé had to scoff at that.

"She does love you," Chloé said, "if she knows what's good for her."

That didn't seem to do anything to reassure Chat Noir. "But what if she _doesn't?_ " he asked, sounding increasingly desperate.

Chloé was not normally the kind of person who troubled herself about other people. But Adrien was very dear to her and, you know, maybe that whole superhero thing was starting to rub off on her everyday life.

Or maybe she was just tired of listening to him mope.

"Well then," Chloé declared, "I'll _make_ her love you, whether she likes it or not."

That roused Chat Noir, at least temporarily, from his melodramatic funk. "Chloé, I don't think that's how this works."

"Um, I'm pretty sure it is, actually," Chloé said.

* * *

> **FACT:** That's not how this works.

Whatever Chloé had _thought_ was going to happen definitely didn't.

Wasn't getting two people to fall in love supposed to be easy? You just locked them in a closet together, or made them waltz, and then _voila!_ Romantic subplot completed.

In real life, though, Ladybug did not appreciate getting locked in a closet with Chat Noir. It did not make her suddenly realize how much she loved him, and it most certainly did not end with any steamy makeouts. Instead, Queen Bee just got a long, self-righteous lecture from Ladybug about "minding your own business" and "basic human decency" and "are you even listening to me, Bee?" while Chat Noir silently watched on. When Ladybug wasn't looking, he occasionally sneaked a thumbs-up in her direction. His strained smile seemed to say, _Thanks for trying, Chlo!_

 _Real helpful, Adrien_ , Chloé thought, and then she was back to the drawing board.

For her next attempt, she decided to go a little more classy. Even _Ladybug_ couldn't object to a nice, romantic picnic on the rooftops of Paris, right?

Unfortunately, the actual planning of said picnic was a little more logistically challenging than Chloé had originally expected. For one thing, caterers and string quarters and the like seemed… _uneasy_ about the prospect of working on the rooftops of famous Parisian monuments, nevermind that there would be two perfectly capable superheroes nearby.

For another thing, Ladybug was still _really_ upset after the Closet Incident, and she was stubbornly resisting Queen Bee's every attempt to get her to show up at the right place. And, you know, just sort of generally resisting all of Queen Bee's attempts to talk to her in general.

That was a problem for future Chloé, though. Today, her mission was to find the perfect location: remote, intimate, romantic. Also, with enough roof space for two people to sit down and enjoy a picnic.

The Eiffel Tower was a tempting venue, but too impractical--it was super busy all the time, and there wasn't anyplace good to sit. The Pont des Arts, Luxembourg Gardens, and Wall of Love were all similarly disqualified. Chloé was trying to decide whether it would be too complicated to get Ladybug and Chat Noir to Versailles when she ultimately decided that the Panthéon was the perfect location for their picnic. (Not because of anything particular about the Panthéon, but because it was there, and it would work well enough, and this whole matchmaking thing was _way_ more effort than Chloé had been expecting.)

Queen Bee was still working on the set-up for the picnic when Rena Rouge spotted her from a nearby rooftop and swung over.

Part of Chloé was happy to see her. Rena walked over to Queen Bee, hips swaying enticingly as she walked, and something about the sight made her feel warm and giggly.

But part of her dreaded the worst. "Don't tell me it's another akuma already!" Queen Bee complained. There had already been, like, five separate incidents this week. She didn't have _time_ to deal with another akuma, not while she was still trying to figure out the perfect soundtrack for a romantic picnic!

"No, there's no akuma," Rena said. She smiled at Queen Bee, and Chloé felt her heart soar. "I just wanted to say hi, Queenie."

"Oh," Queen Bee said. "Um--hi, Rena."

Her words came out a little awkward and stilted, because she wasn't used to people being nice to her _just_ for the sake of being nice, but it was… pleasant. It felt good.

"So, what're you up to over here?" Rena asked. She craned her head and saw some of the equipment that Queen Bee had already set out--picnic blanket, unlit candles, speakers (because nobody was willing to play live music on top of the Panthéon)--and she clucked disapprovingly. "Don't tell me you're still trying to get Ladybug and Chat Noir together!"

"Okay," Queen Bee said, "then I won't tell you."

"Come on, Queenie!" Rena scolded, but she was still smiling. "We're superheroes, we've got a _job_ to do. Who's got time for romancing their partners?"

 _Me_ , Chloé thought, but in a rare moment of wisdom did not say out loud.

"Besides," Rena continued, her voice dropping as she grew serious, "Ladybug likes someone else."

Ladybug _what?_ She liked _someone else?_ Chloé recoiled in horror at the very thought. Who the hell could she possibly think was better than Chat Noir? He was her partner, her other half! Not to mention that he was _really handsome!_

"Okay," Queen Bee said slowly. "No offense, but who could she possibly like more than Chat Noir? Actually-- _full_ offense. Chat Noir is _wonderful_ and he is completely perfect for her in every way and I will _not_ tolerate--"

"Whoa, hey, no need to get so defensive!" Rena interrupted. She held up her hands, motioning for Queen Bee to stop, and laughed a little when she finally did. "It's just sort of weird to date your partners, don't you think?"

Chloé did not think it was weird.

"But it's super sweet that you're trying to help Chat," Rena said. She leaned in a little closer, and her eyes softened sympathetically, and there was that quiet, wistful look on her face again. "You guys seem really close."

"Yeah, I guess we are," Queen Bee said distantly.

"You know, I wasn't sure about you when we first met," Rena admitted quietly. She turned away from Queen Bee slightly, like she was embarrassed or something, and quickly added, "But you really are a sweet person. I like you, Queenie."

> **FACT:** Chloé likes Rena Rouge too. She likes Rena _a lot_.
> 
> ...maybe even more than she likes Adrien.

"I--I like you too, Rena," Queen Bee said, inexplicably stuttering over her words.

Rena Rouge didn't smile, not at that. There was a weird, gentle sort of look on her face, and it wasn't exactly happy, but wasn't sad either.

Then the moment was gone. "Well, I should probably go," Rena said, suddenly sounding sheepish. "It's getting late, and my parents will wonder where I am. See you for patrol later?"

"Y-yeah," Queen Bee said. "Patrol. Totally."

* * *

Two days later, the Panthéon plot was still not coming together.

Part of the problem was Ladybug, who had caught onto Queen Bee's matchmaking games and was not interested in playing along. And part of the problem was Chloé, who had never been responsible for planning a meal before in her entire life. She had no idea what you were supposed to bring along for a romantic picnic. Cheese platters? Caviar? Filet mignon?

She was trying to pry this information out from Adrien after school, but he quite possibly had even less of an idea than she did. He had no suggestions about what kinds of food to prepare for a romantic picnic, but he certainly didn't hesitate to shoot every single one of her suggestions down.

They were arguing about the various merits of couscous when their conversation was rudely interrupted by one Alya Césaire, aka the nosiest person in their entire school.

"Heyyy, Adrien!" Alya called out. Her voice was cloyingly sweet and, instinctively, Chloé grabbed Adrien's arm and dug her nails into his flesh. Adrien--complete doormat that he was--didn't protest the mistreatment. He just smiled awkwardly, even as Alya arched one eyebrow at the pair.

"So, Marinette and I were going to go study for the history test over at her place," Alya said. "You wanna come? Her parents are probably gonna feed us leftover pastries."

"That sounds great!" Adrien said enthusiastically. "You know I can never say no to her parents' baking. Do you want to come too, Chloé?"

No, Chloé did not want to come, but she saw the way that Alya's face blanched at Adrien's suggestion. Chloé knew perfectly well that Marinette had a crush on Adrien, and she knew that Alya knew it too, and she was willing to bet just about anything that this little "study session" was just Alya scheming to set Marinette up with poor Adrien.

And, well. Chloé certainly wasn't going to just _let_ her get away with that.

"I would _looovvee_ to," Chloé said, smirking.

Adrien beamed. Alya grimaced.

This was going to be interesting.

* * *

Marinette's room, Chloé was relieved to discover, was every bit as tacky and tasteless as she was. It was hideously pink and pastel, from the bedspread to the curtains to the armless mannequin sitting in the corner, and it certainly wasn't the kind of place that Chloé would ordinarily allow herself to be seen.

But. She was trying to do a _truly_ selfless thing here, by saving Adrien from Alya's matchmaking shenanigans, and so she would just have to suffer through the indignity.

It was a _very_ large indignity, though.

"S-soo," Marinette began awkwardly. Her eyes flitted from Alya, to Adrien, to Chloé. "That history test tomorrow..."

"Hey Marinette, aren't you practically failing history?" Alya said, in what was probably the fakest voice Chloé had ever heard. It was like she was reciting lines for a school play. "Why don't you and Adrien work one-on-one?"

Chloé rolled her eyes. _How transparent, Alya._

"Eheheh, yeah," Marinette said sheepishly. "My history grade isn't doing so great..."

"But you're so smart, Marinette," Adrien said earnestly. He leaned in close to her and set one of his hands on her arm. "I'm sure you'll do great on the test."

Marinette blushed so hard that Chloé thought she might spontaneously combust. "I--th-the test history--I mean, history test!--I mean--"

Chloé rolled her eyes again. If they kept this up for much longer, she was afraid that her eyes might roll all the way out of her head.

"You're right, Adrien," Chloé said sweetly. "I'm _much_ worse at history than Marinette is, so you should come help me instead."

Adrien looked startled at that, like Chloé had roused him from a spell. His brows furrowed together and, slowly, disappointment dawned on his face. "Oh," he said. "Um, okay--"

"Wait!" Alya interrupted desperately. She forced an awkward grin at Adrien. "My history grade is better than yours, right? _I'll_ help Chloé, and you can work with Marinette."

Marinette said something, or _tried_ to say something, anyway, but it just came out as a stuttery word salad that Chloé couldn't understand a single word of.

"That works for me," Adrien said.

Then he smiled at Marinette, but it wasn't his “model” smile or his “perfect son” smile or even his “whatever you say, Chloé” smile. It was small and sweet, hesitant and genuine in a way that Adrien rarely allowed himself to be, hanging crooked and awkward on his mouth. The way that he was looking at her was so soft and tender that even Chloé felt something stirring in her heart at the sight of it.

It was kind of like the way Rena Rouge smiled at Queen Bee.

> **CHLOÉ'S FIRST** **REALIZATION** : Adrien Agreste is in love with Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Oh god, _of course_ he is, it's so totally obvious--

"S _hit_ ," Chloé said out loud. All heads in the room immediately turned to her.

"Is something wrong, Chlo?" Adrien asked.

He was the only one who was genuinely concerned. The girls just looked annoyed. But, well, they were just going to have to get over that, because they weren't the only ones who were upset.

All of that planning, for nothing! Her hopes of playing matchmaker were dashed. She had actually put _work_ into these plans which was, like, totally unusual for her, and _this_ was how fate repaid her?

It was like God didn't even want her to become a better person.

Though really, Chloé supposed, if anyone was to blame, it was Adrien and his fickle heart. Yesterday it was Ladybug, today it's Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Did Adrien just, like, have a _thing_ for pigtails or someth--

> **CHLOÉ'S SECOND REALIZATION:** Marinette Dupain-Cheng is Ladybug.

" _Shit!_ " Chloé swore again.

If it had been hard to see Chat Noir in Adrien, it was way, _way_ too easy to see Ladybug in Marinette. Those big blue eyes, that cocky smile, the cheapo brand of strawberry lipgloss they both wore. Marinette and Ladybug were basically identical. _She didn't even change her hair!_

Someone less ~~vain~~ self-confident than Chloé might've felt dumb for not noticing it sooner. But mostly, Chloé was just irritated that _Adrien_ hadn't noticed it sooner. Wasn't he supposed to be, like, in love with this girl?

> **CHLOÉ'S THIRD** ~~**AND FOURTH** ~~ **REALIZATION:** If Marinette is Ladybug, that means _Ladybug_ is _Marinette._ And Marinette likes Adrien, who is Chat Noir, who likes Ladybug, who is Marinette.
> 
> Okay. That's clearly a mess. Not to mention that on top of that, Ladybug (who Chloé adores) is Marinette (who Chloé hates), and Marinette hates her right back, but Marinette is also Ladybug, which must mean...
> 
> ....eh, whatever. Chloé was never any good at math anyway.

"Chlo?" Adrien asked again, snapping her out of her stupor.

Okay. Everyone was still staring at her, and Marinette ( _Ladybug!_ ) was looking at her with a sort of dangerous look in her eye, so Chloé needed to act fast.

"You know what," Chloé said sweetly, "I'd _love_ to work with Alya."

Her words made Adrien smile (oh god, he was _so_ smitten, it was disgusting), and Alya frown, and Marinette--well, who knew what was going through Marinette's head. But everyone was getting what they wanted, and so no one protested.

Chloé turned to face Alya, and then promptly decided that she needed to revise her previous thought: everyone _except Chloé_ was getting what they wanted.

"Uhh, yeah, okay," Alya said. She glanced between her history textbook and Chloé, her lips curled faintly in disgust, like she wasn't sure which one she disliked more. "So… studying."

Chloé, who hadn't even bothered bringing her history textbook, promptly got out her cell phone. "Yeah, I didn't actually come here to study."

Alya glanced surreptitiously over at Adrien and Marinette, who were both so engrossed in each other's company that they seemed to have forgotten that there were other people even in the room. "And why exactly are you here?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Alya's face scrunched up into an unfriendly grimace. "Whatever," she grumbled. She started flipping through her history book, while Chloé idly browsed the latest comments on the Ladyblog.

> **FACT:** Chloé doesn't like Alya, but she doesn't hate her either. She isn't about to admit it to her face, but the Ladyblog _is_ pretty awesome.

While reading through the inane comments left by LadybugLover1219, Chloé was struck with the amusing thought that Alya, founder of the infamous Ladyblog, was real-life best friends with Ladybug herself. How ironic! She probably didn't even kn--

> **CHLOÉ's ACTUAL FOURTH REALIZATION:** Alya knows that Marinette is Ladybug.

Chloé dropped her phone.

 _Of course_ Alya knows that Marinette is Ladybug, because Alya is best friends with Marinette who is Ladybug who is best friends with Rena Rouge and--

> **CHLOÉ's FIFTH REALIZATION:** Alya Césaire is Rena Rouge.

"Uh, are you okay?" Alya asked.

She quirked a brow at Chloé, in exactly the same way that Rena Rouge would at Queen Bee, except that there's nothing friendly about the way Alya was looking at her now. The disdain was clear--in her face, her body language, _everything_. Rena Rouge might like Queenie, but Alya Césaire--

"Yeah, I'm fine," Chloé said, but she wasn't. She was the _opposite_ of fine, in fact.

> **CHLOÉ'S SIXTH REALIZATION:** Rena Rouge hates her.

Chloé doesn't understand why, but that one really hurts.

* * *

> **CONFESSION:** Chloé doesn't tell Adrien about Marinette right away.

She probably _should_ have done it right away. Like... immediately. It was kind of important and relevant information--not just for Adrien's love life, but their whole… superhero teammate thing.

But it also sounded like it was going to be Messy and Complicated and, well, Chloé didn't want to deal with that.

So she didn't. Instead, as she and Adrien finally slunk out of the Dupain-Cheng bakery after two and a half dreadful hours of studying the Revolution (or whatever), she pretended that she hadn't just made the single biggest discovery of her short life. Adrien's father sent his bodyguard to pick him up, and Adrien naturally offered to give Chloé a ride home, even though her father's hotel was less than a block away, and somehow the two teenagers ended up sitting in the back of the limo, just driving aimlessly in circles around Paris and chatting.

In an uncharacteristic burst of self-doubt, Chloé suddenly asked, "Adrien, why doesn't anybody like me?"

It was a rare moment of introspection for Chloé. Normally she didn't bother herself with what other people thought of her, least of all someone like _Alya Césaire_ , but knowing that she was Rena Rouge had somehow made everything that much more... important. The thought of Rena used to make her heart feel light in her chest, but now it just felt like broken glass, jagged and sharp against her lungs.

Adrien furrowed his brow in confusion. "Plenty of people like you," Adrien said. " _I_ like you."

"No you don't," Chloé whined. She was suddenly feeling not just self-conscious, but self-pitying. (It was easier than feeling self-doubt.) "You just _tolerate_ me, because I'm fabulous and you have no other friends."

"I have other friends!" Adrien protested. "We were _just_ hanging out with them!"

"People should _love_ me." Chloé buried her face in her arms and contemplated dramatically bursting into tears, but decided that it wasn't worth ruining her makeup. "I'm like super nice to everyone and I have never done anything in my entire life to deserve this."

> **FACT:** Chloé had done a lot to deserve this, and she knew it.

"Why are you so upset about this?" Adrien asked. "I thought you didn't even like Marinette and Alya."

She _hadn't_. But then Secret Identities happened, and suddenly Alya's opinion meant the world to her, and she didn't know what to do anymore.

Well, actually. She did know _one_ thing that she should do.

"I need you to meet up with me later," Chloé told Adrien suddenly.

Adrien looked confused, and Chloé glanced towards the Gorilla, who was still driving the limo and not really paying any attention to them. Still, she didn't want to risk talking about superhero business where he could overhear. "I mean, _later_ later, you know?"

"Uh, right," Adrien said. "Where at?"

"Oh, you know, just nearby," Chloé said vaguely.

"Ookay," Adrien agreed. "What time?"

"Just, y'know, later," Chloé said.

* * *

Chat Noir, as promised, emerged from Adrien Agreste's bedroom window _later_. Queen Bee met him on top of the opera house, and she spent half an hour stalling and leading him around in circles until, at last, Marinette Dupain-Cheng emerged onto her family's terrace.

"Okay," Queen Bee said. She turned to face Chat Noir, who was still extremely confused but politely pretending not to be. "You know how you're, like, super in love with Ladybug and stuff?"

"Uhh… yeah?"

"Have you ever thought that… _maybe_ , you might kind of like Marinette in the same way?"

Chat Noir pretended to be surprised, mouth hanging open and eyes wide, but he was a terrible liar. " _Marinette?_ No--I mean, I like Marinette a lot! She's a great friend. But I'm not, like, _in love_ with--"

"Yeah, okay, I don't have time for your crap today," Queen Bee said sharply. She beckoned to Chat Noir with one hand. "Come here."

Chat Noir didn't understand what was going on, but he obeyed anyway, as Chloé knew that he would. "What are you…?"

"You'll understand when you're older," Queen Bee said.

"You're younger than I am!"

Queen Bee only smiled serenely at him.

> **FACT:** Sometimes being a superhero was frankly a drag. Always having to go and save people, and fighting the Villain of the Week, and getting your hair totally ruined.
> 
> The superpowers, though--those are nice.

"You'll thank me for this one day," she said, and then she promptly drop-kicked Chat Noir over to the roof of the Dupain-Cheng bakery.

* * *

Well, it wasn't a romantic candlelit dinner on top of the Panthéon, but it was a start.

Chloé watched from afar, as Chat Noir and Marinette ( _ugh_ ) chatted, and flirted, and started making great big lovesick doe-eyes at each other. Then they were laughing, and "accidentally" touching each other's hands, and--

\--yeah, okay, Chloé's work here was done.

She was all ready to leave, mentally congratulating herself on being such an awesome matchmaker, when the Worst Possible Thing happened.

Rena Rouge landed on the rooftop beside her.

Rena looked the same as she always did, all perfect brown skin and cunning eyes and hair spilling over her shoulders, but she looked _different_ , too.

She looked like Alya.

“Look at that tomcat!” Rena muttered by way of greeting. “He’ll flirt with anything that moves.”

> **FACT:** He wouldn’t, actually. The poor boy was head-over-heels for Marinette. Secret identities had a way of making things confusing, though.

“What do you say we go interrupt them?” Rena asked playfully. “I don’t think this is very good news for your matchmaking schemes!”

Rena smiled in a very self-satisfied way, because she knew _perfectly well_ that Marinette was Ladybug, but she didn’t know that _Chloé_ knew, and… ugh, recursion.

Well, whatever. The specifics weren’t important, and anyway, Queen Bee had more important things to think about.

“I like your hair,” Queen Bee said suddenly. It wasn’t what she meant to say, but the words just came tumbling out, an unwanted and unprompted moment of weakness. She clapped one hand to her mouth, as if that would somehow stop them, but it was too late. Rena had already heard.

Rena smiled at her, sly and playful, and Chloé wished that they could just go on like this forever. “It’s the same as it always is,” Rena said.

Slowly, Queen Bee let her hand drop away from her mouth. “It’s… different sometimes,” she said vaguely.

Rena must’ve realized that something was wrong, because she was suddenly all sympathy and concern, eyes softening as she stepped in closer.

“Hey, what’s with you?” she teased gently. “You’re being all sappy. Is something wrong?”

“It's nothing,” Queen Bee said tersely. “I just… I think that maybe we should leave them alone.”

Rena glanced back in the direction of the Dupain-Cheng bakery, and apparently didn’t like what she saw. She wrinkled her nose up in disgust.

“Okay,” Rena said, suddenly serious, “I probably shouldn’t say this, but I kinda know Marinette in my other life. Believe me, she doesn’t deserve this. Don't you think we should go rescue her from Chat Noir's obnoxious flirtations?”

But Queen Bee pressed her lips into a thin line and shook her head. “Yeah, you probably shouldn’t have said that,” she muttered bitterly. Whatever doubts she might have been allowing to still still linger in the back of her mind about Rena's identity were neatly destroyed in that moment.

“I… shouldn’t have?”

Rena’s brow furrowed in concern, and Chloé wanted nothing so much as to wipe all her worries away.

Instead, Queen Bee set her jaw. “I know it’s you, Alya!” she snapped. “And I know that Marinette is Ladybug!”

Rena’s expression morphed quickly to panic, then confusion, then anger. “Are you serious, Queenie?” she demanded, sounding genuinely upset. “You figured out our secret identities so that you could _play matchmaker?_ ”

“No, I figured it out because you’re idiots.”

It was probably the nastiest thing that Queen Bee had ever said to Rena Rouge, and Rena looked appropriately offended. Her eyes narrowed, and she opened her mouth to voice a retort, but she cut off suddenly at the sound of laughter carrying from across the street.

Marinette and Chat Noir were sitting side by side now, and Chat had somehow managed to get an arm around her. Marinette, smiling fondly at him, leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder.

"By the way," Queen Bee added distantly," Adrien is Chat Noir. You've been sabotaging yourself the entire time."

Rena narrowed her eyes again, but this time not in anger. She was thinking, and Queen Bee could practically see the gears turning in her head: _if Marinette is Ladybug and Adrien is Chat Noir then that means…_

By now, Queen Bee was pretty sure that her secret identity would be totally obvious to anyone who was paying attention. But she held out hope anyway, because _god_ , weren't they all awfully dense sometimes? Maybe--just _maybe_ \--Rena wouldn't recognize her.

> **FACT:** Rena recognized her.

Rena Rouge might like Queen be just fine, but Alya Césaire had no love for Chloé Bourgeois. As soon as she realized just who Queen Bee really was, the disgust was clear on her face.

It was expected, yeah. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"I should go," Queen Bee said quickly, and she left without waiting for an answer.

* * *

The next day at school, Adrien was watching Marinette with his ridiculous lovesick eyes, and Marinette was confused but blushing appreciatively, and Chloé—

Well, Chloé was minding her own damn business, and doing her very best not to look at Alya.

Alya didn't make it easy. There was just something about her, something that demanded attention and made Chloé keep sneaking looks, even when she knew she shouldn't. Fortunately, Alya only caught her looking once—and Chloé managed to turn her forlorn stare into a sneer, and Alya quickly looked away.

By the time their first class ended, it felt like an eternity had passed. Chloé gathered up her school things as quickly as possible (it was pretty quick, since she didn't usually take notes or remember to bring her textbook or, you know, do any school things at all) and dashed out of the classroom.

Alya was faster.

She was waiting for Chloé already, standing with her arms crossed over her chest and an uncertain look in her eyes.

“Hey,” she said.

“You're in my way,” Chloé said.

Alya rolled her eyes. “I wanted to talk,” she said. “About... you know.”

"What's there to talk about?" Chloé asked bitterly. She pushed past Alya, but Alya followed after her, apparently not getting the hint. "We hate each other."

"I don't," Alya said, and Chloé froze in place.

> **FACT:** Chloé doesn't hate Alya either.

"I'm just..." Alya said. She trailed off, shaking her head. "Confused, I guess. I thought… I knew who you were."

Chloé, despite herself, laughed a little, sharp and bitter. "Yeah," she said. "I thought I knew who I was too."

At that, Alya smiled at her, and Chloé felt her heart soar.

It wasn't an expression she was used to seeing on Alya's face. The smile Alya offered up was hesitant, anxious even--but somehow still beautiful. It was sweet and genuine, and something about it made Chloé's insides feel warm and fluttery.

It was the same way that Rena Rouge smiled at Queen Bee.

She honestly hadn't thought that she was ever going to get to see that smile again.

"Have you told Marinette about…?" Chloé found herself asking.

"No," Alya said. "Have you told Adrien?"

"As if!" Chloé scoffed. "I'm going to enjoy watching those two idiots fumble around each other for a little while longer."

Alya snorted at that. She pressed one hand to her mouth, trying to muffle the laughter, but that just made it worse.

When she finally recovered, she said, "Yeah, I can see the appeal in that."

"So..." Chloé began nervously. She fiddled awkwardly with the strap of her bag. "We probably still have, like… a lot of stuff to talk about. Do you wanna… I don't know, maybe hang out later? We could get lunch or something?"

"Lunch with Chloé Bourgeois?" Alya teased. "The others will _definitely_ notice that something's going on if we do that."

"What about lunch with Queen Bee, then?" Chloé suggested. Alya raised an eyebrow, and Chloé found herself nervously launching into a lengthy explanation. "I kind of set up this whole romantic picnic thing at the Panthéon for Ladybug and Chat Noir, you know? But since they apparently don't need us to play matchmaker for them anymore, I was just thinking--it would be a _such_ a shame to let it all go to waste, you know?"

"Chloé Bourgeois, are you asking me on a date?"

Chloé rolled her eyes. "Obviously not," she said. " _Queen Bee_ is asking _Rena Rouge_ on a date. Get your identities straight!"

"Oh, well in _that_ case," Alya said playfully, "how could I possibly refuse?"

Chloé was grinning like an idiot now. She knew that she probably looked stupid, and that they were still in public where other people could see them but, for once in her life, she found that she didn't care. Because Alya was smiling too, and Chloé had never felt so light and happy in her entire life.

* * *

> **FACT:** Chloé Bourgeois is ~~, like, the~~ ~~ _nicest_~~ ~~person in Paris. kind of a bitch.~~ maybe—just _maybe—_ not so bad after all.


End file.
